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Sunday, April 25, 2010

Thoughts of a seminarian.

I have often heard stories of people who have pursued careers in ministry and of people who have attended seminary that have become different people from who they were when they first started. They seem bitter and display a countenance of indifferance. I have wondered how these people who have studied a God of love could come out on the other side so unloving. I am beginning to understand.
I have recently felt overwhelmed in my Christian philosophy studies. I want you to think for a second of the stereotypical philosopher. They are always asking questions of the reality around them; seeking ryhme and reason for the current state of the world and its people. They are not satisfied with the simple answer, "Because that is the way it is" or "Some things can only be explained by faith." They view life as something to be examined day in and day out.

I am the polar opposite of this person.

I am the person who gets frustrated with these people because I think they are wasting their time debating things that can never be proven. I do not like to ask questions. I am very easily satisfied with simple answers and require little debate to convince me of a position. I have a hard enough time deciding what toppings i want on my pizza, so the thought of arguing with someone over life's unkowables litteraly makes me sick to my stomach. I am in no way, shape or form anything that remotely resembles a philosopher.

I became so frustrated tonight while studying that i began to slip into this depressed/indifferent state that i have heard of in the previously mentioned stories. It scared me. I realized how easy it is to let your frustrations overtake your whole outlook. But after talking with Candi I began to see that not everyone is made the same. My strengths are not the same as a philosophers. While i have a hard time understanding new knowledge, I have an easy time applying the small amount knowlegde i have to real life. I do not think quick while in the midst of conversation, but given time i can process and write a defense for my beliefs. It is the way i was designed and built.

I began to realize that this depressed/indifferent state was just a product of my feelings of inadequacy. There are so many different kinds of people in the world who need Jesus, how can I possibly prepare myself to minister to all of them in the way they need most. And then i realized I can't. There are many within the Christian faith who posess gifts that I do not. I am not the body of Christ. I am only in it. But just because I am only a hand does not mean that I should have no interest in the eye. In examining each part of the body we understand more fully what the body is as a whole. And so, in observing the many parts of Christ's body, I can more fully understand who Christ is. I pray that God would use me to help other's discover more about Himself.